Category Archives: Journal

Today’s Errand Findings

“Whyyyyy”

Found at Walmart (WHY am I here again, it’s a rare, rare thing, thankfully), an irreparable travesty. They’re tryin’ anything to save on packaging costs these days.

“Llama-llama”

While standing in line (cuz it’s Walmart), I found this on my phone while looking for an image of pinecones. This comparison corroborates my previously shared experience at the Olympic Game Farm. Bad llamas. Look at that poor little alpaca made to stand upon the back of that there llama and painstakingly tongue bathe its bad llama hairs one by one.

ASIDE: I need more letters of the alphabetical variety to fix the following conundrum. I don’t like the informality of “cuz” coupled with the way I most often write, buuut I don’t like the proper way either, that of “‘cause.” When reading it, my mind doesn’t read it as I say it which is most certainly C-U-Z. Oh, well, there are worse things. “Cuz” it is for now.

“Dont

My Dad was heading out of my place today, and commented on the sorry state of one of my beloved plants. The poor dear hasn’t been responding well no matter what I’ve attempted, ever since following me home in June-ish. Despite its deceptive show of green here, it’s dropped nearly two-thirds of its leaves. “Can’t stay here, too many colors, need sleep,” says my Dad, his best attempt at explaining the plant’s troubles, its suicide, in fact, so says my dad. Struck me kinda funny, and I now see its long lanky leaves reaching for the sky as a neurotic cry for help. Hoping the current regimen will stabilize the thing- it’s fairly ginorm to be staging a death in the middle of my living room. ♦

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Devil Behind the Wheel

“Kermie”

This is me. I look like this now.

Not really, but there’s a resemblance, if only for the green fuzzy bits. Miss that hoodie-thingie with the stripes- managed to lose it, as well as my most favorite coat and scarf, all at different times, and all in movie theatres in the last coupla years. I don’t lose things ever, except outerwear, apparently.

“Not

Speaking of theatres, I shoulda been a movie set designer. A profession that incorporates research, history, film, design, creation- both a flat representation on paper and its physical form realized.

I was hanging up some birthday signage for a coworker a while back, and needed to measure out the length of monofilament needed and said so aloud. Another coworker whom I was discussing the likes of Jemaine Clement with at the time, mentions that my Pacific Northwest accent’s showing. I stare blankly not yet identifying the telltale word. She says, “You said ‘maysure’, not ‘measure’.” Thought I’d corrected that one, but my default won out in the moment.

“Egg

Curious as to what new food fads will hit next. I’ve stubbornly never bought into the whole kale as salad thing, cuz, ew. Arugula and spinach, please. Though I’ve fully adopted avocado toast, end of story. (Time is a weirdo, I posted this pic a few years back, but ’05 feels closer than that morning in ’15.)

It finally happened, one of the sweet new lives residing on my balcony came to an end. I was out watering some plants and happened to look down to see a lifeless little downy-feathered body laying still at my feet. Thoughts ran through my mind about how sad it was, had the bird suffered, did the parents care, what exactly happened, and wow, I seemed to be dealing with this rather well. Finished pouring the last of the watering can’s contents and stepped back inside where I promptly burst into tears sobbing for the little life ended too soon. Glad to know I’m still me, with emotions that’ll never quite be fully contained when it comes to matters of the heart.

“In

More car show loveliness. Wish there was some place I could go to drive like a frickin’ maniac without harming a soul and return having given flight to the utter exhilaration I feel when speeding and efficiently maneuvering from point A to B when behind the wheel. I suppose that requires obstacles, AKA, other vehicles and/or somewhat close quarters to maneuver around though, so drat to that. ♦

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Sunday Edition

SPOKEN
It’s really encouraging and thrilling to hear something you haven’t heard in a long time.

Heard “my” kitty’s meow recently as well, she’s been distant as of late. This week finds her prowling about the grounds at last, hurrying to greet me once again. Turns out her name is…

It was late and I was nearly up the second flight of stairs the other night when I heard the bobo bell of a certain cat’s collar nearing. Then a door from the bottom floor opens and I hear the guy who lives there call out, “Ashley! Ashley! Hey, Aaashley, here, kitty.”

Ashley?

Uh, no.

I’d imagine her a Hilda before an “Ashley.” She has a toughness about her that I enjoy because it makes the vulnerability she sometimes shows all the sweeter. I prefer to call her Ash. The name must be the doing of the guy’s overbearing mother I sometimes here bellowing from the sidewalk.

CONSUMPTION
Bad-ish dreams- I’ve watched a ridiculous amount of filth in the last almost decade and I’ve always marveled that it doesn’t seep into my dreams. But now, I’ve had more disturbing dreams in the last six months than in six years. Just because it’s on film doesn’t mean I have to watch it. But I’ve wanted to, despite believing garbage in, garbage out, and that we become what we focus on. Must behave. At least I don’t keep it in my home, and the desire to participate in life more so than consume it from a screen grows ever stronger.

CYBER WASTELAND
I wonder how long once successful social sites will stay online- Myspace, Flickr, etc. I’ve received an excess (!) number of emails concerning my dormant Photobucket account- so I reluctantly deleted all the images and the account itself to shut them up, to no avail. Still receiving an abundance of emails. Grumpola. If they’d just stay in the spam folder, that’d be greeeat.

REPETITION
When I use the same phraseology unintentionally (love to do so with intent) in almost back-to-back posts, it makes me cringe when I only spot it after the fact. “Solid excuse” being one phrase that just popped out at me currently. Others leapt at me too, but I’m not gonna compile a list.

WONDERMENT
I love when I’m out and about in my car, and I catch people pointing and saying “Slugbug”! Played that game religiously growing up. I wonder if people see my license plate and think I got the name wrong or that “Slugbug” wasn’t available so I just chose a similar name. Nay, nay! When I had my 1974 Super Beetle(s) in the past, I was snug in my Bug, and the name remains.

TO CONNECT
As with several posts in the past year, here lies some grumpage concerning my fellow inhabitants of earth. Putting it to “paper,” expunging it from my soul. There’s currently a hodge-podge of lovely people in life that act as supplemental acquaintances, but I hunger for a few core friends that really click with me.

People that care about expressing themselves through exterior means, that have style in their appearance and home.
That cook (well) and share it with others.
That know the value of delightful external trappings, but aren’t owned by all their stuff, and instead operate from a core of what really matters in life.
That fight to keep hatred out, and bickering to a minimum.
That know words are important, and don’t casually throw cussing around like salt.
I currently say ”what the f—?” under my breathe waaay too much, and I loathe it.
I want those that are for me, not against me, that are happy for me when something good happens.
People that include me, and allow me to include them.
So tired of no-style athletic shoes, sports gear, talk of beer, wine, pot, and the next game. Repeat.
That’s not my life and I don’t wanna hear about it from others.
Where are the well-rounded folks with interests being explored, hearts shared, that value and invest in people rather than in the next collectible (heck, I love collectibles, but they’re not life).

I see examples of people seemingly more in sync with me everyday, but to find them in real life has been problematic. For those I do encounter, I’m not a curiosity to be explored nor an obligation to get to at some point. I’m not here to be their mother or a 24/7 cheerleader- frank truth with a side of tact versus enabling falsehoods are my style. I just want some sort of balance- we’re a spirit in a body with a soul- the mind, will, and emotions. God feeds my spirit, people feed my soul. This quote from the flick 20th Century Women, brings me dismay:

“So, sweetie, I don’t know if we ever figure our lives out, and the people who help you, they might not be who you thought or wanted. They might just be the people who show up.”

TO CREATE
And then there’s art. It feels like I can do art OR have a life, but attempting both at the same time leaves me half-arsing both, spinning wheels, negating each other, and I move no farther forward. If one or the other would sort themselves out, systematize already, I could more purely focus on the other.

WHERE POWER LIES
I’m mad at the world for being takers, not givers, taking and taking and not giving much in return.
For being overly sensitive and complainy instead of shutting up and doing something.
Doing something begins right where they are- being kind to those around them.
In my anger, I become them, a cyclical battle I can recognize, but feel powerless to stop. And yet, only I can stop it. Strength for each new day and no more.

And of course, the not so juicy cherry on top- all my hopes, dreams, wishes and wants, fall flat in the face of this nuclear war crap attempting to cast a surreally dark shadow all too soon. I don’t delve deeply into the news these days- bias, fearmongering, unnecessary repetition- it’s folly, and too many take the bait, feeding a deceptive juggernaut. Despite my current lack though, I’ll continue to enjoy life and help those I can, whether for a day more, or thousands upon thousands. Always at the water’s edge. ♦

“Place

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A Monday Night Moment

“Armed

Just now happened across this meme while searching for something entirely different, my usual mode for finding things. Memes like these are unsightly- the text is crawling off the right side and is all unduly outlined and blocky. Even so, made me laugh. I read it and thought, “What hairy arm?” followed immediately by “How’d that cat get a box seat?” Only then did I see the arm. To my credit (ish), I first viewed it in tiny Google image search mode.

Flipped on the tv for the first time in ages as well (I’ve been in a world of movies and binged programs), and it looks like Freddy vs. Jason is concluding. Rather timely, as I’ve watched Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy recently, and felt like a whole chunk of teendom (or maybe “teendumb”?) came forth from the depths of a memory in need of a good jolt from time to time. ♦

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Those

“Out

This spotless lady landed on me and remained for the longest time. A bright moment, thankfully, among many, in the frustration of late.

A current need, not want- people that fill their hearts and minds with a balance of all things good. Introspection and then self improvement, rather than a diet of what passes for news and the inactivity it breeds. Please. Most don’t need to be informed of every new audacity- that’s for those taking action against it, of which repetitive posting and commenting (oh, the commenting), the likes of which cause a harpy to seem kind, are not a part.

I’m too lazy and comfortable currently, I long for that magnetic force once found in others that helps drive me to better myself consistently. Iron sharpening iron, a light to spark the dark. Encouragement.

To encounter those hungering for Godly spiritual depth, for wisdom brought through humility, not surface knowledge gleaned for the ego, those feeding their minds rather than just filling them.

Those holding themselves accountable to a moral standard, rather than standing in condemning judgment of others, when the wrong in their own behavior glares just as harshly.

Those sharing about their lives and experiences, their memories, troubles, hopes and dreams. Things relatable and intriguing and compelling. The risk of vulnerability and the ability to talk of emotion is courageous and irresistible.

Humans. I used to know some. ♦

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In Dreams

When you have such delicious dreams that you wake up incredibly, hungry.

“Ben”

Took a trip down to Portland this past weekend where this sign dared greet me as I parked the car.

In adding to the partial glimpse of daily life that I maintain here over the years, I’ve released a bunch of recentish posts originally shared over on that drab creature called Facebook. Scrolling down or clicking on the corresponding category to the left should do the trick in viewing each and every. ♦

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