November 24, 2017 - Friday
Had an indulgent nap alongside Edie this week. Or with Bun, rather. In the evolution of nicknames, Tina’s gone from Beanie Weenie to Beanie to Bean (and Fuzz), and Edie’s gone from Funny Bunny to Bunny to Bun. Bean and Bun. Characters to illustrate, put on the “someday” list. I’d love a (kind) nickname of my own, but it eludes me mostly, along with the affection required on the part of others in order for one to be bestowed apparently. I rarely hear my name spoken from the mouths of others, let alone a name that’s been nicked (must Google origin of term). Short on hugs and physical contact as well, feel I may shrivel up and wither away from the lack of general touch at any point. Thank God for Edie. To think there was a time in life I felt I’d received enough love and affection to last more than a lifetime.
Still, I’m happier somethingerothier than I’ve been in years making a living getting paid to design and illustrate daily. Current assessment of thanks- I’m angry as all get out at God while loving Him not a smidge less than I ever have. I’m angry in general these days, and rather short on patience. I’ve lived in my head alone for the better part of a decade – I don’t know what the future holds, just know I’m wary it’s more of the same comfortable malaise with the proverbial carrot ever dangled in front of me- that for hope of a two-part satisfaction birthed from a partnered life aaand a grander purpose fulfilled. I believe life is what you make it and find it maddening to not fully make of it what I want without requiring others to join in for the ride. Were I to sign up for life, this most certainly would not be the version at the top of the list- to share and share, receiving little in return. My gratitude could use an adjustment.
In FB nonsense, messaging appears to be the equivalence of liquid courage for former school friends of the ALREADY MARRIED male persuasion who feel the need to reveal their once unrequited feelings from long ago only to follow it up with an eluded and/or blatant offer to strike them up again. Are they part of a club, or something? Comfortable in their homes, marriages, friendships, and routines, looking to make me a supplementary boost to their lacking egos cuz they don’t know how to make the chosen one satisfy. Surely doling out the same compliments to others as well. Modus operandi. And were they to find their wives doing the same? Tempted to screenshot their musings and send them along to their significant others. I suffer no fools and demand dignity in such dealings. The same guys post about completing common household chores and once-in-a-blue-moon giftings of generic dial-o-bouquets as though they’re going above and beyond and not just checking off tasks many do without fanfare. Wasting not a word more- I offer up a pic of the towel my dad gifted me yesterday.
Other recent thoughts that are of a jumbled and lighter hearted nature that accompanied the above chatter in my mind:
Watched Body Double recently- towards the end, the main guy was reminiscent of Ralph Fiennes in Strange Days. Something in the slicked hair and/or the outfit selection perhaps. Happen to’ve sported that short haircut ’n’ color shown on Griffith in times past. Twice.
Newish glasses, as my rosy ones need an assist.
I’ve been scruffling through the leaves the last week- so many piled up along the curbs in most places (though not here) that I can’t see where the road begins and the sidewalk ends in order to step up or down. It’s a welcome and discombobulating dilemma.
Politics as spectator sport drives me nuts- action is the only acceptable response- put up or shut up. Trump. The only thing more moronic than Trump, is the number of folks spending time dotingly pointing out each increasingly moronic act. Googled the odds of him passing away at his age- prospects could be better.
Had my first kale salad. It was begrudgingly delicious.
A bunch of the images in my posts are MIA despite showing up when officially checked upon. If it’s not one glitch, it’s another.